The Regular Usual

Life Begins Outside Your Comfort Zone

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The Regular Usual: College Football (No) Show – Week 3 2017

First off let me just say “Fuck Hurricane Irma”.

*UPDATED 9/19/2017*

Aside from millions of Floridians being left without power still to this day (9/14), this giant whore coming into town completely ruined my and your college football watching experience for Saturday afternoon if you lived in FL.

  • Notre Dame/Georgia
  • Clemson/Auburn
  • Oklahoma/Ohio State
  • Stanford/Southern California

All 4 of these games were supposed to air on ABC, FOX, CBS, etc. but instead of playing on the local stations, that attention seeking bitch completely dominated my TV and I was left catching updates via Twitter and the ESPN box score tracker. Some would even state that this is NOT ideal.

Bullshit aside though, until late yesterday evening I was one of the millions of people in FL left without power for over 100 hours and football was the least of my concerns. You forget how much you take electricity, hot water, ice, and even lighting for granted when you’re left without it.

If you were an optimist, you might say “Hey this is a good time to unplug, bond with your family, and discover what you can truly live without”…

If you were a person thinking this while the power was out, props to you. If you said this around me as I sweated while attempting to sleep through the constant sound of generators, you’d have a tender welt on your head where I bludgeoned with my no-service-having cell phone as you read this.

MAJOR MAJOR MAJOR THANKS TO ALL LINEMEN, ELECTRICIANS, FIRST RESPONDERS, AND EVERYONE INVOLVED WITH THE RECOVERY EFFORTS OF GETTING POWER AND ORDER BACK TO CIVILIZATION.

YOU THE REAL MVP(S) – Kevin Durant

Due to the late return of electricity at my home and now my work schedule of damage assessments with for the State, I decided to do a write up for this weeks episode given the time restraints.

As I type this Boise St/New Mexico St has already kicked off, the Texans have already allowed Deshaun Watson to be sacked, and Andy Dalton has probably thrown an INT.

Guess who went 5-0 last weekend?

Hopefully one of you readers/listeners because your boy went 3-2 and only added $3.34 to the bank roll. Is that good?

Well, it’s definitely not bad but not as good as Week 1.

Recap:

  • #23 TCU (-3) at Arkansas: This game was evidence of the old school Gary Patterson. The innovative offense combined with an attacking defense. The Razorbacks simply could sustain drives and Austin Allen was tormented all afternoon by the Horned Frogs disguised blitzes completing less than 40% of his pass attempts.
    • TCU may be the best team in Texas and the 3rd best in the Big 12. Keep an eye on them.
    • Arkansas needs to improve on 3rd downs before SEC kicks into high gear if they want to make a bowl game
  • #13 Auburn at #3 Clemson (-5): Everyone wants to talk up Clemson’s stud ass D-Line but my game ball and credit goes to DC Brent Venables. He continues to adapt his players to frustrate opposing offenses week after week. Wanna grind it out like Alabama? Wanna run the super spread like Baylor? He has a plan for both and both involve sacking your QB. As for Auburn, Gus Malzahn better bring back Cam Newton if they want anything close to the offensive success they had during his tenure.
    • Clemson vs Louisville this weekend could decide the ACC Atlantic. A Clemson win could put them in prime position for a CFP run
    • Jarrett Stidham is not the 2nd coming of Tim Tebow. His Heisman hopes died with those 2 FG’s Auburn mustered
  • #5 Oklahoma at #2 Ohio St (-7): Where the fuck is the offense Urban Meyer? Did it vanish with Tom Herman leaving for Houston? This doesn’t fall squarely on JT Barrett. The Buckeyes offense is predictable and the secondary is suspect and Baker Mayfield proved that Indiana’s passing success wasn’t a fluke.
    • Baker Mayfield is the most dynamic QB in CFB not named Lamar Jackson. College Gameday is no doubt going to be at Bedlam this year
    • Ole Urban has 6 weeks to figure things out before Penn State comes calling
  • #15 Georgia at #24 Notre Dame (-4): While Jake Fromm didn’t make UGA fans completely forget about Jacob Eason, he was serviceable and rode his defense in a prime time road game with Touchdown Jesus watching. Notre Dame isn’t a bad team but they’re for sure not the team that ESPN sucked off all off season
    • Unless Kirby Smart wins 10 games this year or makes a NY6 bowl, Bulldogs fans will wish they kept Mark Richt
    • Brian Kelly is a child and the only coach in America who’s seat may be hotter is Kevin Sumlin.
  • #14 Stanford at #6 USC (-6): I hate that the USC hype train has caught my attention but, dammit if it isn’t fun watching them play. In a game where Stanford has dominated in recent years, the Trojans finally utilized their blue chip advantage and simply outclassed Stanford at every corner. Even with Sam Darnold throwing 2 INTs he hit 81% of his pass attempts. Fucking borderline surgical.
    • I’m buying my ticket now. USC will make the CFP
    • All hopes not lost for the Cardinal, win out and you’re in the NY6 no doubt. Lose to UCLA or Washington and say hello to the Sun Bowl

Alright for Week 3 I have five more games to pick and hopefully push that 69% (nice) win percentage in the 70’s.

#25 UCLA (-3) at Memphis

Why this game? Umm…because it’s a ranked team travelling across 2 time zones to play a Group 5 program and the ranked team is only a 3 pt favorite. To me that means Vegas is full chub on Memphis or has zero confidence in Josh Rosen after his comeback performance in Week 1. While there is a chance for a look-ahead with Stanford on deck next week, UCLA isn’t playing a Justin Fuentes coached Tigers team. With an extra week to prepare Memphis will likely keep it close at the half but expect the Bruins to run away in the 2nd half.

#23 Tennessee at #24 Florida (-5)

Everyone shits on the Gators for not having a QB, especially me but I can assure you I’d much rather have Jim McElwain run my program over Al Golden 2.0 AKA Butch Jones. Yes, Coach Mac have had some players in trouble but he’s not telling his fan base to be excited about his players being champions of life. UF hasn’t played in 2 weeks but with a rivalry game at home, you can expect the Gators to bring their best. Could the Volunteers come into Gainesville and pull off the upset? Absolutely. Somehow UT pulled out a lucky W last year in Knoxville. I think they have some pixie dust left over for this year.

#12 LSU (-7) at Mississippi St

SEC conference played has officially begun with the previous matchup and it continues here where both schools are finally done beating up scrubs. The biggest difference here in my mind comes to defense and it starts at the top with LSU DC Dave Aranda. He’s one of the top 5 highest paid coordinators in the country for a reason, he produces results. Add in the plethora of talent LSU has on hand and I don’t care who Miss St rolls out at QB, he’s going to be sore come Sunday morning. I almost forgot about Derrius Guice toting the rock for the Tigers. LSU shuts out the Bulldogs in Starkville.

#3 Clemson (-3) at #14 Louisville

I’d be lying if I didn’t say this wasn’t the hardest game for me to pick this week. Last season Clemson’s defense helped stave off some last minute heroics courtesy of Lamar Jackson at home and the Tigers went on to win the National Championship. Kelly Bryant is Deshaun Watson Lite and neither of them are Heisman Trophy winner Lamar Jackson. We saw Clemson’s offense struggle a bit against a decent Auburn defense and Louisville doesn’t play SEC quality defense, they rather just outscore you. Everyone watched Louisville’s offense completely crumble at the end of last season when the “right” type of pressure overwhelmed UL’s offensive line. This is essentially a chess match between Bobby Petrino and Brent Venables. I hate picking a road favorite but I sincerely won’t be mad if the Tigers lose.

Texas at #4 USC (-15)

Let’s be real for a minute, both of these teams have storied histories and Heisman winners from both schools, yet neither have suffocating defenses that led the greats had. Points will be scored and in bunches here. I’ve already told you I’m all in on the Trojans making the Playoff but at the same time there’s something in the back of my head that says Tom Herman could pull off the upset and the “Texas is back” talk will resume again for a few weeks till they lose to some scab ass team they should crush. Clearly USC has the QB advantage but that might be it other than home field advantage in this late night game. Fifteen points is a lot but Stanford has a better defense than the Longhorns and they still lost by 18 in a rivalry game. This game is either a blowout or late game banana sandwiches with cocaine and the game of the week. I’m going with my gut over my brain.

Remember that if you wanna get in on the action yourself, be sure to set up a Bovada account.

Also any feedback, comments, question, concerns, or money can be sent to theregularusual@gmail.com or to my Twitter.

Let’s get paid fuckos.

Game Pick Result
#25 UCLA (-3) at Memphis UCLA -3 Memphis 48 – 45
#23 Tennessee at #24 Florida(-4) Tennessee +4 Florida 26 – 20
#12 LSU (-7) at Mississippi St LSU -7 Mississippi St 37 – 7
#3 Clemson (-3) at #14 Louisville Clemson -3 Clemson 47 – 21
Texas at #4 USC (-15) USC -15 USC 27 – 24

Other Bets:

Event Risk Win Result
Illinois at USF (-10)*

Baylor at Duke (-7.5)*

$1.23 $0.98 USF 47 – 23

Duke 34 – 20

Oklahoma St (-4) at Pittsburgh $1.00 $0.95 Oklahoma St 59 – 21
Stanford at San Diego St (+9) $1.00 $0.87 San Diego St 20 – 17
Ole Miss (ML) at California $1.00 $0.41 California 27 – 16
LSU at Mississippi St

OVER 50.5

$1.00 $0.71 Mississippi St 37 – 7

* Denotes Teaser Bet

Overall Record: 12 – 6

Week 3 Record: 1 – 4

Starting Balance: $67.73

Ending Balacne: $65.33

The Regular Usual: 2 Year Anniversary Episode

Wow.

I can’t believe it’s been over 6 months since I recorded a podcast.

If you’ve never listened to one of my podcast’s before or are curious about the person I am behind closed doors, this one is on the level of my very first episodes where I open up entirely and give the dirt on what’s been going on in my life over the past few months.

Listen the first episode here that I reference frequently in this pod.

If you wanna reach out, hit me at theregularusual@gmail.com or on Facebook or Twitter.

Any feedback, positive or negative, means everything.

Thank you for listening.

More to come in the future.

The Regular Usual Episode 015: Solo Dolo I (Audio+)

Uh, it’s been a minute to say the least.

But fret not young listeners, you’re about to enjoy a verbal ear beating that details what’s been going on in my world since the last podcast.

Topics range from home remodeling updates, experimental ideas, masturbation and pooping in public.

Can’t lie, I was a little rough around the edges after so much time off but I’ll let you make your own assessments.

The makings of a new kitchen

The makings of a new kitchen

Topical links:

Eating Crickets for under $10

Casey Neistat’s Vlog

The Ketogenic Diet & more…

Minimalist Weight Training

The NOBNOM Challenge

Mark Sisson on the Joe Rogan Experience

Daily Grind Crossfit (Groupon Link)

Tough Crowd

Just in case the Biebs isn’t for you…

Send me your comments, concerns, or ideas via Facebook, Twitter, or theregularusual@gmail.com

New Year, New Me is Bullsh*t

Read Time ~ 7 minutes
Word Count – 1280

Courage is strength in face of pain or grief, what’s harder than being honest with ourselves?

I hate New Year resolutions. I’m scared to fail.

Typical resolutions involve losing weight, quitting a vice, or making promises you won’t keep. I’ve failed each of the 3 I just mentioned.

In the past I’ve told myself “at the end of 20____  I will finally see my abs.” “In 20____ I will stop watching porn.” “The year of 20___ will be the end of flaking on people.” “This will be the year I start my own business.”

I can’t tell you how long I actually stuck with each of these but:  I still can’t see my abs, I didn’t last more than 2 weeks without using the Incognito tab, I just flaked on someone last week, and I’m not generating my own income.

If you’ve ever attempted and bailed on a resolution, I can relate. The key is finding the smallest achievable ‘win’ to keep momentum.

A quote I heard not too long ago but is often echoed by James Altucher “be 1% better each day”, it’s hard to fail when you set the bar low, but how do you gauge what a 1% improvement is given your current state in life?

Continue reading

The D-Evolution of Texting

While doing my monthly computer back-up, I came across something I wrote back in April 2014. Is it great? No.
But I figure it groups nicely with the other BS post I put out a while back. This is another edition of Tales from the C: Drive

First off here’s a DISCLAIMER for those you who A) hate long posts or B) only read while you’re in the bathroom. If you’re a group A individual, there’s an ‘X’ in the corner of the screen you should click now.

However if you relate to group B here’s a few preemptive tips: provide courtesy flushes if you’re in public or at work, stand up occasionally to prevent your feet from going numb, and wipe twice more than you think is appropriate.

That being said, this is the first article/blog post I’ve ever written and allowed people to read and approximately 40% of it was written with the assistance of friend named Cabernet Sauvignon. Here goes…

Continue reading

The Regular Usual: College Football Show – Week 9 2015

Before you get too far into reading this week’s post, there is NOT a podcast attached for this week.

*UPDATED 11/1/15*

I know, I know, the 20-30 of you who listen consistently to the special editions might be upset but life showed up and I had to reschedule with this week’s intended guest, but I promise we’ll be back next week to break down Week 10.

They say “Consistency breeds Confidence/Success/Mastery/(insert a positive synonym) but I feel that you could probably end it at “Consistency breeds…”. Why? Because the act of breeding feels great and breeding leads to replicating and replicating = making more, yada yada…

Sorry, that took a weird turn, but you get where I was going. Staying consistent is what makes people eventually break through and even though things didn’t quite fall into place for this week, I’m still going to put out some content. Even if it’s in written form because I too get tired of hearing me say “umm” during those first couple of weeks with no one to interact with.

Last week, I was not consistent. I went 7-9 with my picks and haven’t done this poorly since Week 3.

^Utah DB (Week 8 picks) vs. JuJu Smith (Reality)

My gut said go heavy on the underdogs and be slick. My gut is connected to my asshole and we all know what comes out of there.

This week leaves much to be desired in terms of high profile matchups unless you’re into Notre Dame at Temple (see below). Otherwise we’re loaded with conference show downs and I’ve picked 4 to cover, so lets get to it.

West Virginia (+14.5) at TCU 

This game is loaded with a whole lotta offense and a not a whole lotta defense. WV comes in after a bye week and 3 consecutive losses, albeit to 3 ranked teams. This has the potential to be a complete shoot out and who ever has the ball last wins. Things are no different this year, TCU is the better team overall, but has played a weaker schedule and has had trouble putting away (read stopping) anyone with a decent offense. With an O/U at 75, Vegas projects a high scoring game and I agree, but 14.5 points is too many for TCU to cover. Upset watch on Thursday night.

Georgia vs Florida (-3)

2 week’s ago, CFS guest Patrick picked this game to be a trap for UF if they beat LSU. The Gators lost, but this was before Will Grier was suspended and the Gators offense was rolling. Treon Harris did better than expected against the Bayou Bengals but couldn’t move the ball on the final drive to give UF a chance. Both UGA and UF were on bye’s last week, so expect this to be low scoring in the 1st half due to film study paying off. The Bulldogs aren’t the same team without Nick Chubb and this matchup gives Coach Mac an opportunity to gets his 3rd signature W of the year and hold a firm grip on the SEC East. Every time I’ve picked against UF, I’ve been burned. Gimme the Gators on their quest to return as the top team in the state of Florida.

Southern California (-6) vs. California

Was Utah over rated or is USC another example of an interim coach getting everything out of his players? ICYMI Interim coaches are all the rage and in Week 9, Clay Helton will have the Trojans building upon the confidence the gained last week. California started the year off hot but are coming off back-to-back conference losses and need this game to keep the hope of winning the Pac-12 North. USC is playing with an edge, a chip on their shoulder, and little reckless abandon which makes for a dangerous team. Statistically this is a nearly even matchup but I’m rolling with the interim coaching theme and higher caliber athletes the Trojans bring to the table.  USC by double digits.

Notre Dame (-10.5) at Temple

Just writing that as a game to break down is a tad disappointing. It’s kinda like the plot to Rudy but without the lisp. No one is giving the Owls a real chance, but a top 25 matchup in front of a national audience, on prime time against one of the most storied football programs/Playoff hopefuls, has all the makings of an upset. But the Irish are a much, much better team and have played top notch competition with only a failed 2pt conversion keeping them from being ranked as a top 3 team (ESPN loves them as much as the idea of a Tebow/Brady Step Brothers remake). I’ve previously proclaimed Notre Dame as my zombie team of a squad winning with their backups and playing on Halloween it fits the bill even better. This might actually be close at halftime but the Irish pull away in the 3rd and cover the 10.5 spread, no matter what my gut truly wants.

Playoff Projections: Week 9 (in no order)
Clemson
Ohio St.
LSU
TCU

Heisman Race: Leonard Fournette, Trevone Boykin, Derrick Henry, Dalvin Cook, Deshaun Watson

The rest of the picks

Game Pick Result
Illinois at Penn State (-4.5) Penn St -4.5 Penn St 39-0 
Ole Miss (-7.5) at Auburn Ole Miss -7.5  Ole Miss 27-19
USC (-6) at California USC -6  USC 27-21
Oklahoma St (-3) at Texas Tech Texas Tech +3  Oklahoma St 70-53
Georgia vs. Florida (-3) Florida -3  Florida 27-3
San Diego St (-3.5) at Colorado St CSU +3.5  San Diego St 41-17
Texas (-6.5) at Iowa St Iowa St +6.5  Iowa St 24-0
Tennessee (-9) at Kentucky Kentucky +9  Tennessee 52-21
Notre Dame (-10.5) at Temple Notre Dame -10.5  Notre Dame 24-20
Stanford (-10.5) at Washington St WSU +10.5  Stanford 30-28
West Virginia at TCU (-14.5) WV +14.5  TCU 40-10
UCF at Cincinnati (-27.5) Cincinnati -27.5  Cincinnati 52-7
USF at Navy (-7) USF +7  Navy 29-17
Miami at Duke (-8) Duke -8  Miami 30-27
Syracuse at FSU (-20.5) Syracuse +20.5 FSU 45-21 

7-8 (Meh..)

Overall: 92-55

Hopefully how I’m feeling some Sunday *(Not how I’m feeling on 11/1, but that Miami game…)

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Real Life Resumes

In an effort to add more content to the website, I did some digging through my C: Drive and came across some completely pointless “articles” I wrote over the years that I intended to submit to @PostGradProblems, ClickHole, and other websites that I wanted to contribute to and never did. The following is one of those pointless posts on a played out topic.


Resume E-Card

 

Anyone who’s ever applied for a job has gone through the trials of writing a resume and filling it full of words that you rarely use in everyday conversation. Why do we do this? Generally our first impression to a potential employer is a piece of paper without a face to match it to. (Unless you send in a headshot for a modeling/acting gig, but let’s be real, getting 20 likes on a heavy filtered Instagram photo is the closest you’ll ever be to an actual model.)

When someone asks what you do for a living how do you typically respond?

PERSON: What do you do for a living?

YOU: I work at ____________________

PERSON:  Cool OR How do you like it? OR I’ve never heard of them

YOU: Yeah, it’s just while I’m in school OR It pays the bills OR It sucks, I hate the customers who come in and hope they get Lupus

While working in a restaurant if people asked what I did there my canned was:

“I sling drinks and deliver pasta to people who barely fit in booths, while pretending more bread is on its way and asking if they want dessert, all while maintaining the fakest smile I can muster”.

This is how you would like to answer in an interview or write on your resume but there’s a slim chance you’ll end up with a job offer or even the courtesy phone call that you didn’t get the position. Which brings us to how most resumes look vs. how they would actually look if we could give them the real talk with examples from entry level jobs.

PROPER RESUME
January 2014 – Current                                  Generic Retail Store
Retail Associate

  • Assisted customers with all of their shopping needs
  • Demonstrated excellent customer service
  • Applied extreme attention to detail when shelving/folding merchandise
  • Exceeded department standards on monthly basis
  • Awarded employee of the month for March 2014

REAL LIFE RESUME
January 2014 – Current                                  Generic Retail Store
Sales Jockey

  • Attempted to avoid eye contact with all customers
  • Expertly checked social media without manager or customers finding out
  • Occasionally fixed merchandise display customers continually disrupted
  • Alerted other employees when attractive customers entered
  • Awarded 2 speeding tickets trying to arrive on time without getting written up…again

PROPER RESUME
February 2013 – January 2014                     Local Chain Restaurant
Server

  • Thoroughly explained daily specials and happy hour deals to customers
  • Up-sold customers to higher priced menu items exceeding restaurant standards
  • Ensured all customers enjoyed an amazing dining experience
  • Built trusting relationships with customers for repeated business
  • Trained new employees for superb food service and menu knowledge

REAL LIFE RESUME
February 2013 – January 2014                     Local Chain Restaurant
Food Troll

  • Explained happy hour to customers 3 different times failing to sell any alcohol
  • Continually fetched bread/chips/water for cheap customers
  • Attempted to maintain a positive demeanor when the low tipping regulars/foreigners/large parties with children were sat in my section
  • Showed new employees how to cut corners and devoured that free meal for training them
  • Guzzled enough sweet tea and Coke/Pepsi products to become an early diabetic

PROPER RESUME
July 2012 – February 2013                             Failing Business Inc.
Administrative Assistant

  • Answered all incoming calls and transferred them to appropriate extension
  • Replied to emails with extreme promptness
  • Prepared conference rooms for company meetings
  • Delivered detailed memos to executives for urgent matters
  • Utilized improved filing system for financial records

REAL LIFE RESUME          
July 2012 – February 2013                             Failing Business Inc.
Associate Clown Ass

  • Answered the phone and repeatedly told callers they had the wrong number for the nail salon
  • Made copies of paperwork only to throw them in the trash the next day
  • Listened to “Karen” complain about “Jerry” EVERY.SINGLE.DAY.
  • Avoided a panic attack when you clogged office toilet on your 2nd day
  • Failed to concoct a believable story to IT when they asked why your browser searches were always in Incognito Mode

As you can see, there’s not a single company out there that would hire you if you actually put down what you really did. While it’s a shame that some people may have never written out their resume, at least now you know what NOT to put on it. Hopefully the day will come that you’re no longer sending resumes into the black hole of online applications and actually meeting the person you’ll be working for face to face.  Unfortunately until that day arrives, you’ll have build yourself up on paper to be someone who you think a company may want. Just remember how to speak the lingo and fluff it up a bit:

A Trash Collector you say? Nope, I’m a Sanitation Specialist.

So you used to work as a pet groomer? No, I was a Domestic Canine AND Feline Stylist.

Sorry, it seems your background check turned up an arrest record with 2 attempted robberies. Oh, you must be referring to my past position as a Semi-Professional Opportunist?

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