This site has been a work in progress for over a year. What I mean by that is I’ve been all talk and living in a world where things take place without action.
Clearly that world was not reality.
When I started formulating ideas back then, this website wasn’t necessarily what I had in mind. Given this site is currently at its most basic version imaginable and will be improving (hopefully) gradually, I hope it passes the eye test.
You might be wondering why it took so long to actually take action create anything? But my answer is the same as yours would be: I wasn’t serious about it. I dragged ass and the most I had done up until recently is scribble some business ideas/humorous blog posts down on paper and put the ones I really thought had some teeth in my phone and that was all. A few of those blog posts turned into multiple pages where I couldn’t stop writing once I started. Before I knew it, I had an idea for a book with about 15 pages of free flowing words that needed some serious editing but it was something on paper, or computer in my case.
Then I stopped. Questioned myself and my abilities and wouldn’t open the file…for 3 months.
The real reason I think I actually started to get serious about this is because I’d go to bed at night, end up tossing and turning, and lay there with multiple ideas that I knew I was capable of executing if I just devoted an hour to get the ball rolling. It continually ate at me as I defaulted to do nothing, this had to come out.
What really got the process started was a drive back from Tampa a few weeks ago in the rain and actually downloading a voice recorder to put down some ideas I had while driving. Since I’ve been hooked on podcasts for a few years, I decided to flesh out a rough idea of what type of show I’d be good at and if I’d be interested enough to follow through if things didn’t go my way. So I took a chance, hit record and just started talking.
What I didn’t expect was how good I felt after getting it all out, sorta like therapy without a therapist and I keep the $100. I was terrified and anxious to share it, so I sat on for a day and didn’t tell anyone about it. Eventually I played it for my girlfriend and had to leave the room while she listened to it. All my worst fears were running through my head of what she would think and she’s known me better than anyone over the last 8 years.
“This is dumb, no one wants to hear you ramble” “Your voice still sounds like you’re in middle school” “Why are you getting so personal, you’re not going to share this are you?”
These thoughts continually running through my head made my stomach turn and frantically looked through the cabinets for anything to calm me down, preferably in the form of an adult beverage. When she didn’t echo back anything remotely close to what my brain was thinking, I was still on edge. So recorded the episode again with a new format and more professional sounding. It blew ass.
I decided to go with my gut and put the original raw episode out there but I kept making excuses to put it off until last night. I burned through webpages trying to gather data on how to go about posting a podcast to your website and better yet, create a website. I made a half assed effort on a Square Space site back in January during a 2 week free trial but I wasn’t comfortable with it and too cheap to pay for it. I ended up choosing WordPress based on convenience and simpler (read more info) user guides on how to integrate different plugins. Surprising or not, I built this rudimentary site in 4 hours. Yes, I could’ve jumped on it sooner and not stressed completing it by this morning but I’m a big believer in Parkinson’s Law.
It was important to me to put this out today for 1 reason. Exactly a year ago, I lost my dad. It remains the worst day of my life and I’ve been dreading it since the end of May. Instead of marking it on the calendar and being a teary mess today, I want it to be associated with something positive. Looking back a year ago, I never truly saw myself building a website and publishing podcast, but here I am. A year from now I want to look back see even more noticeable signs of growth than I do today.
I miss you Dad, this is for you.